


The best part about not being human

by BonesAndBreb



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Cultslinker's wireplay au, Idk if I have to do warnings for the brief mention of human shishkebab, More angst, Rev angy, The robo bois can have alittle bit of fluff... As a treat!, can be read as platonic or romantic ig, its 3:37am my brain donut function howdy do tags???, seriously go look at cultslinker's au if you somehow haven't already, this is just sad touch starved rev
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BonesAndBreb/pseuds/BonesAndBreb
Summary: Rev is (not) okay
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	1. Alone and Nothing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cultslinker](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Cultslinker).



> I'm anxious about doing gift fics, please accept my offering lmao

Forced into a metal prison and programmed to make it feel alright, that maybe he was still human, that climbing up a building and spearing a man on his arm was perfectly normal. It was fine, until that shard shattered what he knew as reality.

He may have made some bad decisions on his rampage, perhaps ripping loose that black wire in his desire to be less like the skinsuits he hated so much. Maybe it was rummaging around in his chest cavity that pinched the mess of wires further. But it was never his fault, he didn't do this to himself, Hammond did.

-

*tnk tnk tnk* god. Those stupid toy guns again, they're all useless. The sounds of bullets against his plating were his only indicator of being hit. Still enough of an annoyance to kill the cause to make it stop. The worth of ‘living’ does get abit lost when you've outlived all your friends and family by a few centuries. Remember the days of carefully taking out targets, as to not get caught or killed? He doesn't.

-

Dinged up but still prowling through the halls, of course the smiling robot wants to help do pointless repairs. It's not like he could feel anything. He hasn't felt anything since the black wire was ripped out. Pain? Pleasure? There's nothing, who would've known that brings a whole new level of touch-starved when you can't even feel victims clawing at your metal shoulders in their last moments.

-

Eventually he needs to be repaired before he falls apart in the ring, no matter how ruthless he may be, the syndicate still wants their legend status robots in tip top condition, oiled joints and all. He gets stabbed by some underpaid nerd with a data knife, when he wakes up two things are new.

The secret is out, he's not just a murder bot. He's an ex-human stuffed into a murderbot. The looks he gets say it all. Gross, is that pity he sees? He mentally adds Outlands TV to the list of people he has to murder.

The second is even more of a pain to deal with, in his opinion anyways. Someone has replaced the black wire. That's not even all of it, the pinched wires? Not a problem anymore, someone fixed Hammond’s bullshit. If he were human he would be high off the serotonin of being able to feel fluffy weighted blankets again.

But he's not human, and it's been much too long of feeling absolutely nothing. Both physically and mentally. It's all too much for the nearly 300? He's lost track, years old simulacrum. So he cries and screams for the first time in his metal body, unable and unwilling to go back to nothing from something.

Who is there to run to when you have no friends? 

There is no comfort to be found alone when you've been lonely for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna maybe do a second chapter.  
> Fun fact: weighted blankets are actually proven to be good for serotonin


	2. What is real when you aren't anymore?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rev is grompy bastard simulacrum

How sick in the head did Hammond have to be to shove human consciousness into bodies unable to indulge in the three supposed human needs?

-

Asking again in the lazy morning light, he wonders why he was given a sense of smell. To smell all the blood he spilled across concrete? It only serves to annoy him as the smell of bitter coffee and pancakes with too much sugar fills the dropship’s living room and kitchen. 

Smell may be a big part of taste but smelling your favourite food is no replacement for binging on it. Trapped in a body without the ability to taste or hunger, he can’t help the fury that masks the melancholy. He would even take a cup of the addict’s morning cocktail of sugar, stimulants, and spice, if he could drink it.

The MRVN is helping cook, how odd, it’s not like he could ever eat. What’s the point?

-

“H-hey Revenant… What are you doing at this lovely hour of…” Looking around for a clock, Mirage shrugs when he finds none. Glowing optics roll in his metal skull

“2:48, watching you sneak back to your room apparently.” The dead-pan statement pries a sheepish grin from the trickster.

“Me? Sneaking around? Never. I was just getting a drink. Why would I be sneaking around that pruh, pred- pbebpo… it’d be silly.” Revenant have to admit watching the skinsuit brain struggle to function is a little funny. “Can’t you sleep? Or charge? Whatever you do?” he offers shyly, tacking on a nervous mumble about being creepy.

Owing no explanation to him, Revenant simply walks down the hall to his room, shutting the door with a

“Goodnight Mirage” Back to doing nothing and missing sleep. He's already charged. But, god… Even after so long, not needing to sleep was sort of odd, like being stuck in that limbo of ‘I want sleep but I'm not actually physically tired’ and not being tired just… Forever.

-

‘They don't realize how lucky they are.’ He finds his mind blurts too often now.

-

“That was fun, sorry you died!” Pathfinder says in that ever cheerful voice as he finishes him off with a grapple to the face and a high-five. Like that pile of metal and bolts could actually feel emotions like a human, or in Revenant case, ex-

-

“Sorry huh?” He asks aloud from behind the MRVN.

“Yes, Friend! It was a good fight.” His stupid optic waves like he's nodding, and Revenant’s tempted to rip it off and throw it in the woods. Pathfinder pisses him off, he's this 100% robot who tries to be human somehow, but can't. In a way they're similar, but for different reasons.

“Are you really sorry?” He growls, continuing to walk up to Pathfinder who's stopped in the hall and hasn't moved since, no scared steps back like the skin bags.

“I am!” He's still speaking in that voice.

“Like hell you are, a real robot can't feel emotions like humans do, you can't even feel sorry or scared.” It's so different trying to read Pathfinder when there's no body language to read, just a screen. It's displaying some thinking emoji at the moment.

“I can feel my own simulated ones…” the happy robot continues abit slower this time, almost hesitant sounding, almost. “and-”

“And?” He used to be human, curiosity is fatal. He wants to know.

“My ports can be used to link to file simulations and other mechanical beings..” He's quieter as if this info is classified. Revenant thinks of something wicked.

“Would you like to try some of my emotions Pathfinder?” He asks sweetly, or as sweetly as a murderous simulacrum can anyways. Pathfinder seems to fall for it, perking back up and excitedly rambling off, like he forgot who he was talking to

“Please, Friend? Can I? I would love to. Plea-”

“Yea, just give me a second.” Pathfinder looks like he's near vibrating as the simulacrum pops open his chest and carefully this time, pulls one end of a certain blue wire loose. “Are you ready friend?” He mocks, barely waiting for an answer before plugging it into one of Pathfinder's ports.

It starts quiet at first, the whirring of fans, the small twitches, the frantic mutters.

“imsorryimsorryimsorryimsOrRyIMsoRryIMSORRY!IMSOSORRY!” Ending with that shouted apology, Pathfinder’s screen goes black and he lets out one of the worst and maybe loudest sounds Revenant has ever heard, which is saying something.

Then he's just still, there in the hallway. Unmoving. Silent. Dead?

Metal legs clank closer down the hall and Revenant thinks he hears a ‘HOLY SHIT! IS PATH DEAD?’

But he's too distracted staring into Pathfinder's blank optic, it's peaceful in a way. The faked happy, cocky chatterbox shut up for once. Somehow it manages to be even more unnerving. He simply fades into a shadow and slinks back to his room to contemplate his actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simulated emotions are illegal technically, and Pathy is too much of a wuss to pirate them, so he buys them off the local hackerman. Lmao might write a crack shot


	3. Thank you gifts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brain machine mildly work. Comments gib me the guud motivation, thank you

He has a few hours before the pounding at his door starts and he has to ask, who in the world would even knock on his door presumably knowing who he is? It doesn't stop as much as he glares at it, so he has to get up off the floor and open it.

The laughably petite woman who stands behind it nearly slams a fist into him when the door flies open. She tilts her head up, and while he's never met her, he can immediately tell by the look in those ice cold eyes of hers, she's someone to fear. In a threateningly overly polite voice she informs him Pathfinder has been incapacitated by his actions and he will be paying for his maintenance advising he shouldn't do it again and perhaps should apologize to the MRVN.

Though it sounds like ‘behave or the syndicate will just stick you in a toaster next time, not even a nice one but like the ones you find on the side of the road in a ditch.” But a metal face betrays no emotion so he just hums and nods along, much like a child being lectured until she walks back down the hall she came from.

-

Pathfinder gets back and nearly acts exactly the same. If Revenant didn't overhear a conversation while crawling around the facilities ceiling he would have assumed the robot had that memory file wiped.

-

While he claims to like the extra fear since shutting down the other robot, he's sorta getting lonely. It's no fun not being able to banter when everyone just avoids talking to you anyways. He misses rambling to people. He used to ramble to his victims, but now they get revived so that's out the window for his shortening list of unhealthy coping methods.

-

They're hiding out on some rocks, and while Pathfinder is looking down the scope of some sniper, Revenant is a sitting duck with only a shotgun and p2020. Even when they were getting chased out of fragment Pathfinder still tried to offer him things always saying things like ‘you're welcome! I love you too friend’ in response to him definitely not thanking the robot for an extra shield battery. He's still so nice to him after what happened? 

“I'm not sorry” He grumbles quietly. It earns him a lowered gun and a small head tilt.

“For what?” It nearly sounds teasing in his still upbeat voice.

As much as he’s internally daring someone to shoot him in the head, preferably with a Kraber, it never comes and so Revenant is forced to deal with the conversation he started.

-

“I have gifts for you Revenant!” What has he done to deserve a gift?

“Why?” He asks maybe too aggressively

“Because friends give each other gifts don’t they? You gave me a gift, and I want to thank you. Please, take these.” Clunky blue fingers dangle two small data plugs, both have small labels. One simply reads ‘me!’ and the other reads ‘the good stuff’. He has to admit that second label does drag a snort out of him.

“Thank you” is said hesitantly, he may be a grumpy simulacrum but he still has some manners leftover, somewhere, probably hidden under Mirage's couch cushions.

-

It took a while of contorting in the mirror to find his own overly difficult to access ports but he does. Starting with the one labeled ‘me!’ it feels like happiness, love, and excitement. It’s innocent and cute in a way even, but it’s muted. If he had to guess it’s some of Pathfinder’s own emotions. Plugging in ‘the good stuff’ makes him gasp, the files in there have to be a mistake he thinks as he reluctantly pulls it out with a shaky hand. It’s a nice mix of simulated oxytocin and endorphins, happy chemicals, just not the mix he was expecting from a Pathfinder gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe one more chapter, they're all really short soz


	4. Friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is it for now, though I will probably write some more of rev and pathy. Come request stuff on my drabbles series or tumblr maybe?

“We're friends right?” He's quiet and unsure, the most vulnerable he's been in too many decades. He's spent too long overthinking everything and it gets to him. His constant pacing and muffled cries is what led to Pathfinder knocking on his door. An invitation, and probably also to keep him from waking up the rest of the sleeping legends.

Metal shuffles against stacked crates, before a brighter looking optic is turned his way and he gets an answer.

“Yes” it's simple and serious in a way, despite the ecstatic looking smiley face project on Pathfinder's screen. It makes his chest feel crackly and fluttery at the same time. He's failed to drive off the MRVN like the rest, but he's also failed to drive off the MRVN- 

“i’m sorry” a quiet whisper so no one else could hear, as if they were around. Like they weren't the only ones awake watching the clouds drift by and stars twinkle in the cargo bay windows at 4am. An apology he knew he owed to more, and yet seemingly the first in his files of jumbled and faked memories. 

A head tilt, and the emotes on display, Pathfinder's odd version of a shit eating grin. “What did you say? I couldn't quite hear you Revenant.” The one time he genuinely tries to be nice, this wired f-

“I'm sorry.” He growls out, now very interested in the packaging he was shredding between overly sharp fingertips. The shadow dimension has no right looking that tempting he thinks, conflicted on what to do next. They sit in the near pitch black for some time and a faint hummed tune can be heard from one of them as the other stares blankly and overthinks some more.

Eventually he decides to hell with it, is there any need for words when you can basically just plug your mind into the person? Revenant begins the slowly getting familiar process of popping open his chest plate and mindfully fishing around. Pathfinder still shows no fearful body language but the screen really does give away, nervousness radiates off him, now that Revenant takes the time to peek at it.

“Don't worry, I pinky promise.” fingers intertwined in a childish somehow still universal sign, Revenant wishes he could smile with his metal face.

Two wires carefully fished out, held gently, as Revenant tilts his head this time. A silent request for permission to continue. A slow nod is the answer.

The first wire to go in is mostly white and the robot squeaks, screen flicking between several happy faces. The simulacrum gives him awhile to enjoy the completely unmuted emotion, toying with the black wire, content for now. 

He’s worried that the black wire might be abit selfish but Pathfinder asks innocently when he notices and he can’t help himself. He plugs in the second wire and leans over wrapping his arms around the other robot.

“This is what a hug feels like…” He’s not quite sure who the statement is for to be completely honest

“Oh”

They stay there in a comfortable silence until they hear steps, as they come closer Revenant reluctantly pulls out the wires, returning them to where they belong. Before gently pushing Pathfinder slightly further away, he gives him one last small, self indulgent hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely headcanon pathy as abit of a lil shit, his lines istg. On an unrelated note, I'm really fucking excited for season five. I love loreeeeeeee

**Author's Note:**

> I wanna maybe do a second chapter.  
> Fun fact: weighted blankets are actually proven to be good for serotonin


End file.
